Evey Louise turns TWO!

Happy birthday to my sweet little Schnoodle! I know it's cliche, but I fondly remember the day we brought her home, she was just an itty bitty pup of 5 lbs.... *sigh* I wanted to write a post about what she's meant to me and how our relationship has grown over the past two years, but it's getting increasingly hard to keep up with my own blog while caring for a baby, packing the house up for our move (NEXT WEEK!), working, and participating in NaComLeavMo. So sorry pooch, once again you have to get pushed to the side for other priorities. But you'll still snuggle against me on the couch without holding a grudge, which is one of the reasons I love you so much.

In honor of her second birthday, here are a few of my favorite faces (and tails) of Evey Louise.

Happy Father's Day

For me, one of the most difficult aspects of infertility was the feeling that my body was not only failing me month after month, but also my husband. He is such a great man -- intelligent, kind, and funny, without any conceit to go with it. There seems to be no selection process in who becomes a father these days, but if there was, my DH would pass with flying colors. Looking across the dinner table at him after a failed treatment, my heart would break into a million pieces fearing that I may never be able to give him a child.

Reading through the NaComLeavMo blogs, I am reminded that many people experience far greater heartache than we endured to conceive Bean. For those who haven't reached parenthood yet, I hope they get to celebrate Father's Day next year with their own sweet babies. Facing infertility and realizing that nothing is guaranteed brings a new level of appreciation to a holiday that is often reduced to an obligatory greeting card and a new tie. Cheesy as it may be, I find this day to be a bit sobering as well as celebratory, and for the millionth bazillionth time, I am grateful for my beautiful family.

So Happy Father's Day, DH. I couldn't be more proud of you, nor more grateful that Bean will have you to guide him as he grows up. Look what we made together.

I also want to say Happy Father's Day to my Dad, my father-in-law, and my grandpa. Bean has such wonderful male role models in his life, he's a lucky little boy.

Enjoy the day!

It's not easy being green

DH's employer participated in the Bike to Work Contest last month. You know, being healthy and reducing carbon footprints and all.

One of the top performing teams was from DH's department, so this morning his employer held a recognition meeting to honor them.

The team members stood up in front of the department to accept their awards. One of the men stepped forward to give extra kudos to Johnny Spandex, who led the team in miles biked for the month.

Unfortunately, the speaker informed the group, Johnny Spandex was in the hospital and unable to accept the award in person.

He was hit by a truck, riding his bike to work.

The Lactation Pooch

Let me introduce you to my new lactation consultant.

Her name is Evey Louise McPooch.

It's funny, I don't remember my dog going through the training to become a lactation specialist, apparently she's been holding out on me. Until now.

First, some background. Some extremely embarrassing background, so please don't tease. I've mentioned before that our nursing relationship started off very rocky. Improper latching (basically no latching), low supply, etc. etc. Then we employed the use of the nipple shield, which was probably the savior of my goal to breastfeed exclusively. We started using it while I worked on other issues, like increasing my supply. Because I was overwhelmed, the lactation consultant at the birthing center and I both agreed that I should keep using it until I felt comfortable with nursing in general, and then focus on weaning off the shield. Well, due to all the bottles of expressed milk that he was getting at day care, it was hard to get ourselves off the shield and get a good latch. I decided to wait until we had transitioned to our in-home babysitter, since I am now able to nurse him exclusively again while I work from home (i.e. no more bottles). For reference, his last day at day care was last Friday. So yes, although it's meant to be used for just a few weeks, we've been using the shield quite happily and successfully now for about three months. *blushing*

Meanwhile, in the past couple of months, the pooch has discovered the joy of grabbing fun little baby items, sneaking out the doggy door with them, and tearing them to bits in the yard. (This was the unfortunate fate of those three dead binkies.) Well, she decided that she was going to help wean us from the shield by slowly destroying them. We started off with three shields in the rotation, and she picked off the first two slowly to get the process going. We've been down to one now for several weeks. She got it twice, and both times I found it outside in the yard -- but perfectly intact. After major sterilizing, I could put it back to use. I can only believe those were her warnings to me: time to start getting off the shield, lady.

Last night, she made good on her threat. DH and I went upstairs around 9 pm to change Bean's diaper. I can't remember why we both went up, other than it's always easier to have one of us distracting the little guy while the other tackles the dirty work. I distinctly remember hearing her quickly bolt across the family room and swish through the doggy door as soon as we were headed up the stairs. This is odd, because Evey is usually our shadow. Wherever the three of us are, so is she. Unless, of course, she's doing something she's not supposed to be doing. That concern briefly crossed my mind, but as I couldn't remember leaving anything dangerous within her reach, I figured she just had to pee. Really bad.

With the diaper change complete, I decided to start getting ready for bed. Put the sleeping Bean in his baby hammock, changed into my pajamas, gave the dog some love for being a good girl with all the attention I have to give the baby... and headed downstairs to grab a water, the nursing pillow I use, and the shield.

Water: check.

Nursing pillow: check.

Shield: missing.

Instantly I realized what happened. I was furious and told DH my suspicion, that it was now just past 10 pm and I had no shield to use when feeding Bean all night. He told me not to panic, we would be fine. I assured him I was not panicked, just enraged. I went outside in the cold and dark to look for the shield, which was of course pointless. DH came out with a flashlight and said I should head back inside to keep an eye on the baby. I marched across the lawn muttering choice words about the dog, while she followed innocently at my feet. She grabbed something in her mouth on the way in and brought it into the family room to play with it.

"DROP IT!" I shouted to her. She tossed it on the floor. I picked up the mangled piece of plastic that was formerly a nipple shield, and called for DH to come back inside. It was over.

I went upstairs to wash my face and brush my teeth while I calmed down. @!#$*&~ dog. When I came back down, DH was on the phone calling every pharmacy and 24-hour megastore within driving distance. Poor guy, he had to explain what a nipple shield was to about six young clerks, none of whom wanted to know what one was.

No luck locating one. We had plan: I would attempt to nurse shield-less, and if that didn't work, DH would feed Bean some of the expressed milk in our stash while I pumped.

Fortunately, my Bean is not a picky eater. However the milk is delivered, he's all about it. While his latch still leaves something to be desired, we successfully nursed all night without the shield. It's been more than 12 hours now, and we're doing okay.

I'm not sure whether I want to throttle the mischievous pooch, or thank her.

Either way, she did want me to add that she's available for consultations if anyone else is having trouble weaning from the shield. Doggy door not required.

In fun news, I am going to have dinner tonight with Sharon at Surrogacy 101, whom I "met" through NaComLeavMo. I am so excited. Not only a baby-free meal (it'll be warm, hooray!), but it will be neat to meet another Mom/IF blogger and hear about her amazing experience as a surrogate. Cool beans.

Speaking of beans, some pictures of mine!

I can't get enough of his sweet grin.

His new favorite pastime since finding his fingers, munch munch.

Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Yes, we can drool now also.

I'm on Daddy's shoulders! Holy crap!

Time for a snooze after a busy day. How comfortable is that position, really?

It's almost summer somewhere...

...but not in Seattle! As you can see from the little weather icon thingie in my sidebar, it is most decidedly NOT sunny in Seattle. In fact, at the moment, it's 48 degrees and raining. In the middle of June. Unacceptable. Adding insult to injury is the fact that most of Bean's 3-6 month clothes are super cute shorts and t-shirts. It would just break my heart if he couldn't wear the little outfit I just bought him, which features an ape on the front with the word "Hunk."

Rain clouds aside, it's time to clear out a little business. More than two months ago (!), Mary tagged me back after I tagged her. When Queenie tagged me with one of the same memes, I figured it was time to finally participate. I won't tag anyone else -- but any of you NaComLeavMo visitors can consider yourself tagged if you are looking for some material this month.

First tag. The instructions are to write your own six word memoir. Post it on your blog, including an illustration if you like. Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to the original post if possible so that it can be tracked as it travels across the blogosphere. Tag at least five more blogs with links. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play. (As an aside, click here for some background on this meme.)

Here's mine: "Helpful hands, logical mind, sensitive heart."

That was soooo hard! Now you try.


Second tag. List five kind things you do for yourself. List five kind things you do for your closest friend, partner or child. List five kind things you have done for a stranger. And tag five people!

For myself:
1. I'm big on small but frequent rewards. (This is why I own 120 colors of nail polish.)
2. I buy fancy shower gel. (I'm determined to make the most out of my 5-minute mommy shower!)
3. I go to a good hair stylist. (At least my 'do looks good once every three months.)
4. I floss my teeth every night. (No gingivitis here.)
5. I blog. (Can't get more self indulgent than this, right?)

For DH and Bean:
1. Iron DH's clothes. (This is his least favorite chore. I, on the other hand, wish I could spend more of my life making wrinkly clothes straight.)
2. Breastfeed my baby. (Despite my constant reference to it, I am not so enamored with BFing. But it's good for Bean, so I'm in.)
3. Put the good of the family above my own personal preferences when deciding where to live. (Which is why I'm in a city where it's 48 degrees and raining in June.)
4. Organize all of the papers in our filing system. (Sometimes my friends falsely give me credit for being an organized person. In truth, I only do it passably, and against my will.)
5. Resist the urge to elbow DH (oops, did I wake you?) when I'm up at 2 am feeding the Bean.

For strangers:
1. I wave people in front of me when they need to merge or turn. (And then wave thank-you when the favor is returned. Why do some people not wave?)
2. Agreed to see some clients pro bono and many at a greatly discounted rate when I was a counselor. (I was earning hours towards full licensure, but I was generous with my time, if I do say so myself.)
3. Donate to a veteran's association. (I am very touched by the sacrifices of our troops!)
4. Developed a free resume for someone I didn't know because he lost his job and desperately needed work. (I have no additional comments on this one.)
5. Even when full make-up is out of the question, I at least put on powder foundation when I leave the house. (Trust me, everyone benefits from this. Scary.)

Three months old

Yesterday, my mother-in-law called and asked for my blog address. She was wondering if I had posted pictures of Bean as he hit the three-month-old mark. My first thought was, "Wow, it's here already?" And my second thought was, "I don't need any more motivation than that!"

So here's a quick review of what Bean is up to these days.

• Smiling and laughing. My favorite!
• Holding his head up. Our own personal bobble head.
• Flailing around, constantly. He won't hesitate to punch me or DH or himself in the face.
• Cooing. He's discovering his voice, and once he finds it, we're all in trouble.
• Learning to use his hands. After about 15 minutes spent staring at a plastic zebra, he reached out and touched it! My son is a genius.
• Noticing a lot more of the world. He's so alert, like following the dog with his eyes. Probably so he can protect his binkies.
• Growing. According to my scale this morning, he was 14 - 14.5 lbs. That puts him near the 75% percentile. As you can guess, breastfeeding is going well.
• Day trading. (Okay, maybe not.)

He is still nowhere near sleeping through the night. I usually get one good 4-hour stretch out of him when he first falls asleep around 8 pm. Unfortunately, I don't usually end up in bed myself until around 10 pm, so it doesn't really help me get more rest. He will go right back to sleep after eating, thank goodness, but if I put him back in his Amby baby hammock, it's only for another 1.5 - 2 hours each time. If I let him stay in our bed after a meal, I can maybe get another 3 hour stretch, if I'm lucky. The kid prefers to sleep next to his mommy, what can I say? He's three months old!

Enough chit chat, let's get to the good stuff.

Happy 3-month birthday, baby!

Don't mess with the Red Wings. Stanley Cup 2008, what's up!

Huh?

I love playing airplane with my Daddy.

You're kidding, right?

No one will ever suspect the cute baby...

Awww, Evey! Did you brush this morning?

Mom, you know I can't sit up yet. Tiiiiiiiimber!

But I do love ya, pooch.

Is it Friday yet?

Numbers

Comments remaining for NaComLeavMo: 132

Movies in my Netflix queue: 75

Months it took to get pregnant: 22

Days until closing on the house: 20

Years I've been crushing on DH: 18

Pounds over my goal weight: 15

Weeks I've been a mother: 13

Hershey's chocolates I consumed today: 10

Wedding anniversary next month: 6

Binkies the dog has eaten: 3

Most hours slept in a row last night: 2

Day care providers needed: 1


I was struck with a terrifying realization last weekend: things were going well. Too well. You know, those times when your hair looks good every morning. Even in the Seattle drizzle.

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long to find out what the next major kink would be. I got an email yesterday from our day care provider. Remember, the one I loved who was going to come to our house starting Monday to watch Bean for peanuts while I worked my well-balanced 21-hour schedule? If that sounded like a fantasy, turns out it just might be.

Poor woman, she's going through a personal financial struggle right now, and her lawyer told her not to start working. She's upset, I'm upset.

First of all, I really liked what her references had to say about her, and felt she'd be a good sitter for Bean. Second of all, his current day care situation ends FRIDAY and I have not so much as a long-lost great aunt nearby to lend a hand. (And of course I feel horrible that the potential babysitter is going through a rough patch.)

So here's the "choose your own adventure" part of my blog. I want your opinion. After getting this news, I'm trying to listen to what the universe is saying to me. Other than if you keep eating all that chocolate, you'll never lose the baby weight. Should I try to hire someone else, or is this a sign?

Reasons to stay home full time:
- More time with Bean
- Can get more involved in mom's groups / make friends
- Can keep a closer eye on the binkies
- Part time salary minus cost of day care is a rather depressing figure anyway

Reasons to work part time:
- 21 hours a week that I feel like an actual adult
- Padding in our budget / $ to replace the binkies
- Job is very convenient (i.e. tough to find such a flexible job if I want to go back)
- It'd be nice not to waste both of my degrees

Thoughts?

(While all these decisions are stressful, it's not lost on me that I am incredibly, incredibly lucky to need day care in the first place. Thank you, Lord, for my precious little man.)

Update: The original sitter has agreed to start on Monday and work until we can replace her. So we are covered for a bit. But do we want to replace her... ?? !!