PSA: Are you ready?

In one month, all television stations will broadcast a digital signal. Don't wait until the last minute to prepare!

I could use a drink

A brief review of my week. Implied, of course, are all the usual daily happenings like performing minor miracles to convince Bean that his food belongs in his mouth and not on the floor, and squirting the dog with water to prevent her from overzealously protecting our house from the skinny kindergartner with Spiderman sneakers.

Monday.

• DH leaves for week-long business trip. I take a deep breath.
• Run errands, including trip to the ATM. Stand outside in the rain, balance Bean on my hip as he tries to press the touchscreen, and try not to drop my purse while filling out the deposit envelope. Curse the greater Seattle area for not believing in drive-thru ATMs.
• Read books to Bean, including one about Danny Duck, who is afraid of water and stands under Henry Horse to avoid the rain. Give Bean a brief lesson on enabling and codependency. After moving on to a book about mischievous piglets who wreak havoc on a farm, consider teaching him where bacon comes from. Maybe tomorrow.
• Timing of afternoon nap means we don't make it to mall gathering with MOMS Club. Shopping trip nap casualty #1.
• Bean goes to bed for the evening, I'm feeling good. Decide I will decimate to-do list in DH's absence. Install baby gate, pay bills, and type up tips on early breastfeeding for two friends due in March.

Tuesday.

• Take Evey (and Bean) to the vet. Immediately after walking in, Evey takes a huge crap in the middle of the floor. Clean it up with paper towel in one hand while holding the leash and Bean in the other. Discuss with vet how to get dog to stop licking her butt while juggling Bean to keep him from crawling on the exam room floor. She recommends adding Metamucil to dog food to help clean her glands. Use $10 coupon and pay the remaining $60 bill.
• Practice making grilled cheese for playdate on Thursday. Burn one side of the sandwich. There really is an art.
• Bean turns in for the night. Start cleaning the house for the playdate to the tune of wanna-be singers auditioning for American Idol.

Wednesday.

• Answer call from the mom of twins suppose to come over for playdate on Thursday. They have RSV, have to cancel. No need to finish cleaning the house.
• As we are leaving for preschool, find a sweet and frightened golden retriever at our front door. Unsuccessfully try to locate the owners (collar does not have a tag). Dog leads me to what is likely her house, and after not getting an answer at the door, I leave her sprawled comfortably on the porch.
• Spend most of preschool worrying about the dog and berate myself for leaving her alone.
• After preschool, immediately ring doorbell at house where I left the golden retriever, who is no longer on the porch. Dog comes to answer the door, a human doesn't. I'm satisfied.
• Have panic attack about planning Bean's first birthday party. What if no one comes? What if everyone comes? What if the cake doesn't match the invitations? Call my mom to bait her into coordinating the details; ignore tiny voice in my head mumbling about codependency. Crisis solved.
• Bean goes to bed. The motivation of earlier in the week has dwindled. Flop on couch to watch another two hours of American Idol, and despite not caring for the show whatsoever, I am totally hooked.

Thursday.

• Feeling stir crazy, I hope to attend a mall meet-up with the LLL group at 10 am. Bean goes down for a nap at 9:45 am. Shopping trip nap casualty #2.
• Must leave house. Faced with limited opportunities, we go on our one outing of the day: back to the ATM for another check deposit. At least it's not raining this time.
• Bean burns some energy crawling around the main floor. Somehow crosses the family room and kitchen in 2.3 seconds. I hear splashing; find him playing in the dog's heavy ceramic water dish. I grab video camera. He overturns the bowl, creating a big puddle in the kitchen, just as the caller ID lights up with my mother-in-law's number.
• Bath time for Bean. Undress him in his bedroom to put wet clothes in the hamper. Stand him up on bathroom floor, his little hands holding onto to the side of the tub while I fill his ducky bath. He decides to relieve himself before getting in and uses the linoleum as his own personal urinal. I guess it's better than peeing in the bathwater.
• Bean falls asleep for the night. Type blog entry and run out of time to watch my click flick; DH will have to suffer through a romantic comedy with Dane Cook and Kate Hudson. I don't feel bad.

DH's plane lands on Friday at noon, I can't wait. Then after a brief recovery and some seriously killer spicy chicken teriyaki, we'll be spending the weekend negotiating with used car salesmen as we get ready to turn in my lease car and purchase one. Would anyone care to join me for a Bloody Mary?

By request

Okay, Mary, because you asked, here are some recent pictures of the Bean. But before I comply with that request, I have one of my own. It is Delurking Week, or so Mel tells me, and I'm making my official plea. A lurker, of course, is someone who regularly reads a blog but never leaves a comment. I know I have a few, because I sometimes check on my number of visitors, and I doubt my mom is going to 20 unique computers every day and pulling up my blog. If I were a real techie, I could figure out where you were logging in from and gather all sorts of other cool demographic info, but alas, I am not. So please take a few seconds to say hello. Just go to the bottom of this post, click on the link to the number of comments I have, and if you don't have an account, you can just reply as "anonymous" and let me know your first name, nickname, CB radio handle, etc. I'm making it easy for you, because this post is all pictures of Bean. There is no deep thought required to comment on the topic of Bean's sweet little mug, just a basic "He's so adorable!" will suffice. (Comments like, "Eh, he's okay." or "I hope he doesn't have your big nose!" are not appreciated, and you can just keep on lurking. Thanks.) Okay, enough of my begging, here's what the little man has been up to -- or into -- in the past few days.

Still crawling out of his pants. Evey can't imagine why I still think it's so amusing. It just is.

He just loves the activity table. The banjo song is his favorite, it almost looks like he's trying to dance when it comes on.

He loves to crawl under and into everything. The task of babyproofing is overwhelming... soon there will be nothing left in our house but a couch and a bunch of drawers that none of us can open.

Top attractions: cords and dog toys. Luckily for Bean, Evey shares and mom would rather take a picture than take the yucky stuff away.

He's such a happy little munchkin.

Can't forget the pooch! Nothing comforts cold, weary winter bones like curling up with the heating pad.

Last but not least, I just had to show you the cute shoes I bought for Bean. I searched everywhere for some affordable black shoes for him to match the new 12-month outfits he got for Christmas, and I eventually turned to http://www.shoes.com/ for these Converse. Thank you, Chuck Taylor!

March 7th

Me and Suze. Chatting it up. Watch for it. (I'm pretty sure this time.)

The wait continues

Thanks to everyone who watched for me on The Suze Orman Show tonight. No, I wasn't on when you went to the bathroom... you didn't accidentally fast-forward your DVR right past me. It was a bummer to get excited and then not appear on her show, but I'm kinda glad I didn't have to follow that guy whose wife left him because he lied about their finances. Man, that was really sad.

Now I get to freak out about the possibility of hearing myself on television for at least another week, or maybe forever if my call gets cut permanently. But if that happens, at least I'll retire wealthy, because I'll gain a ridiculous amount of knowledge on personal finance from tuning in every single week, just in case. And if just one of my friends and family gets a tip while watching Suze that turns their financial life around, the delay will all be worth it.

Yes, I'm sure there is a higher reason that I was not on The Suze Orman Show tonight other than my call was lame. But girlfriend, I'll keep you posted.

Suze called me "girlfriend"

DH and I watch The Suze Orman Show every Saturday at 6 pm. Actually, we record it, because we are catching a quick nap before we head to the bar at 11. Okay, FINE. We record it while we eat dinner and put Bean to bed, and we watch it after he's asleep because we are apparently "adults" now and have to be "responsible" with our money so Bean can do things like "go to college" and "eat." Thus our regular weekly date with CNBC.

This morning, I found myself having a lovely phone conversation with Suze herself. Here's a timeline of all the critical events that led up to the momentous occasion...


LATE NOVEMBER

Get letter in the mail that sparks a question for my favorite financial guru, Suze Orman. While it is not even in the top 10 of my money concerns, I decide to post it on her web site, as I was all caught up on Google Reader and had nothing else to do while eating lunch.

MID DECEMBER

The phone rings, and I answer it despite my suspicions that the unknown caller wants to sell me identity theft protection or supplemental life insurance. Wait... what's this? It's a producer from Suze's show! They like my question and wonder if I'd like to be a caller on the show. (As if they had to ask.) The producer says I will get a call from them on January 6th between 8:30 and 9:15 am Eastern Time -- which is 5:30 and 6:15 am to me. Apparently Suze doesn't take callers in the afternoon, bummer.

LAST NIGHT

7 pm -- Bean goes to bed. My nerves strike. I start freaking out, frantically waving my arms in the air and generally driving DH nuts. Rewrite my original question and begin to practice reading it.

8 pm -- Watch the latest episode of The Suze Orman Show as "homework" to prepare. Continue practicing my question.

9 pm -- Attempting to relax, I turn on the episode of Million Dollar Password that I recorded because Craig Ferguson was on it. Although Craig was funny and even Regis had some good lines, it wasn't enough to make up for the fact that the show gets unbearably boring after 15 minutes. Continue practicing.

9:20 pm -- Watch Property Virgins and Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Continue practicing.

10:15 pm -- I reveal my biggest fear to DH: that Suze won't like me. I'd be so ashamed! I could never watch her show again! He reveals his: that she will suggest I leave my husband.

10:30 pm -- After one final explosion of freak-outedness, I drift into dreamland to the sounds of Seinfeld. (And what a great episode, The Stall. Can you spare a square?)

11:30 pm -- Bean's first wake-up of the night. Mommy's coming, sweet boy.


TODAY

2 am -- Bean's second wake-up. Hmmmm... looks like I'm not going to be getting much sleep tonight.

4:56 am -- I wake up four minutes ahead of my alarm. I turn off my back-up alarm and change DH's alarm setting back to music from the insane horror-movie beep so he won't have a heart attack when it goes off.

5 am -- Head downstairs, sip coffee (decaf, but still), and practice my question some more.

5:29 am -- Bean's third wake-up. DH goes to comfort him, but he screams angrily and looks around for his mommy. Suze could call at any minute, but I run upstairs and nurse Bean back to sleep. Success.

5:35 am to 6:04 am -- Check email while glancing nervously at the phone. Mom has sent an encouraging note. "You have never babbled unintelligently and you won't start now." Although that specific fear had not previously crossed my mind, I now start to worry that I will babble unintelligently. Netflix informs me that they received my movies, and "Eagle Eye" and "An American Carol" are now on the way. Sweet. Continue practicing my question.

6:05 am -- Suze's producer calls and let's me know they are running a little late. They will call back in 15 minutes. I focus on practicing my question and not barfing.

6:15 am -- Phone rings; I am put on hold. Forced to listen to current CNBC show while I wait, which is some high-strung financial guy babbling about a merger or something. This makes me more nervous. Make mental note to suggest to Suze that they use classical music instead. Or better yet, oldies. Continue practicing.

6:20 am -- Suze comes on the line and greets me. I am pretty sure she called me "girlfriend," although the whole experience was kinda blurry and it may just have been my imagination hoping she'd call me that.

6:20 am and thirty seconds -- I stumble on my words when asking the question. DOH! Should have practiced more.

6:21 am -- Suze responds to my question. Interesting answer! She doesn't seem to hate me, and she doesn't suggest I get a divorce.

6:22 am -- Suze signs off, and someone else thanks me for calling The Suze Orman Show. Any time, girlfriend!


I am not 100% sure if/when I will be on her show, but I believe that you can hear me fumble ask my question on January 10th. Her new episodes are always on Saturday evenings, don't be fooled by the twenty five reruns between now and then. Here in Seattle, she's on at 6 pm on CNBC (channel 46 on Comcast). According to my TV menu, the show is called "I Want My Wife Back!" With any luck, you'll get to hear Suze exclaim, "And now Christine from Washington state!" (Washington state not to be confused with Washington, D.C., of course, which is not a state, but something else altogether. It doesn't have as much natural beauty as the state, but it's got really cool monuments and the president lives there.)

So that is my little piece of excitement this week. If you tune in, please be kind when you hear my call. Remember, it was early, and the coffee was decaf.

****

I also have a tiny little favor to ask. Mel over at Stirrup Queens is a finalist for the Weblog Awards in the best medical/health category. As she is infinitely awesome and helps thousands of us navigate the murky depths of infertility, please click HERE and then vote for the Stirrup Queens. That's just two easy clicks. You can vote every day, and I know you will, right? RIGHT? Thanks!

All good things must come to an end

Ain't that the truth? Here are a few good things coming to an end right now...

Whose bringing home the bacon? Tonight is the last night of DH's holiday vacation. It's been wonderful being stay-at-home parents for the last two weeks, it really suits us. Neither one of us goes to work, but the paycheck comes anyway. Seriously brilliant. We'll be spending this evening the same way we've spent most of the rest, curled up on the couch watching our latest cinematic delivery (this time it's Ghost Town). To make the night extra special, I picked up some Red Vines licorice and tiramisu-flavored creamer for our coffee when I was at the grocery store. Let's go out with a bang, I say.

Good boy. Overall, I think Bean has a fairly average temperament. He is usually happy and always on the go; interspersed with some grumpy, whiny, and clingy moments when he's tired or sick or just wants to drive me crazy. When we are in public, though, we have been lucky that he never displays the ornery side of his personality. At a restaurant a couple of months ago, the waitress serving the section next to ours made a point to come to our table and remarked that Bean was the best behaved baby she'd ever seen in their establishment. When I was getting my teeth cleaned and DH waited with Bean in the dentist office lobby, the receptionist came back to tell me I should have ten kids because Bean was so good. The owner of the teriyaki restaurant we keep in business sometimes patronize calls him "The Angel" -- in Japanese no less! I'm not sure what I did to deserve this bit of luck, but karma has turned and it seems to be over. Yesterday at Target, he let it loose. He wanted something and I couldn't tell what it was (my best guess is that he wanted his feet on the ground and his hands pushing the cart handle bar, a physical impossibility for someone barely over two feet tall). It wasn't the frustrated, angry screams themselves that concerned me, because I simply went outside while DH stayed to pay for our stuff. It was the fact that Bean had decided it was perfectly acceptable to throw a tantrum in the store, something which had not worried me in the past when the two of us have been out without DH, but now will make me paranoid every time I leave the house. I dread the day I have to abort a grocery trip because he is unruly, but I know it will happen. Yesterday was the death of my dream -- however unrealistic -- that my child would remain angelic, at least in public, until he left home. Damn.

Breaking Dawn. Yes, I have finally finished the "Twilight" series. Whew! That last book was intense and long. I found it mostly super creepy (that kid! shiver!), and then I was freaking out during the fantastic suspense building for the big ending, and then... eh. Sure. Whatever. Just as with the previous books, I was totally obsessed and annoyed at the same time. The author leaves some threads open for the future, and I both eagerly anticipate and rue the day she pens the next novel. Luckily I'm a woman and these conflicting emotions don't bother me.

But even as these happy things come to an end, I have some others to look forward to. Our calendar is full this week, starting with a coffee/playdate with Jen and Jillian tomorrow morning. This way I won't be sitting around feeling sorry for myself that DH has to go to work while I stay home alone with the baby. (Oh, life is so unfair!) We are also back to preschool this week, and my two mom's groups have the first meetings of the year. Not least of all, Monday also starts a new month of Bean's life. I can only wonder what delusion will be shattered for me next. Don't tell me he'll get a bump or scrape one day. I don't do blood!