Monday, March 3, 2008

Now where's that darn stork...

So it's March 3, my due date. HEEEEEEERE storky storky storky!

The baby seems anxious to get out, I'm still convinced he just can't find the exit. This morning he gathered up all his strength and threw his entire body against the front of my stomach, like he was trying to ram the door or something. I've been getting lots of advice on how to get labor started, from the young cashier dude at McDonald's who recommended castor oil ("It worked so well for my sister that she was too far into labor to get drugs at the hospital") to my own OB who recommended doing what we did to get into this situation in the first place. I'm not sure if our fertility doc would be up for it, and he's in St. Louis anyway, so we'll skip that one.

I appreciate the suggestions, but so far, none of them has produced results. I'd like to add a few more things to the list of ineffective methods to induce your own labor, from my own experience.

1. Watch episode after episode of "The Baby Story" and "Bringing Home Baby" on TLC.
2. Cradle the dog in your arms and speak to her in goo-goo talk, hoping to make the baby jealous.
3. Eat a large quantity of donuts. (I'm in the second round of testing this theory, just to make sure.)
4. Avoid packing a hospital bag, daring labor to start before your toothbrush is in its travel case.
5. Give in and pack a hospital bag, signaling to the baby that he outsmarted you and now he can arrive.
6. Bribe the baby to come out with a bazillion stuffed animals, his own private vibrating swing, and chocolate-flavored breast milk (they can apparently taste what you eat).
7. Grow an enormous baby so he runs out of room in the uterus and is forced to move out.
8. Use reverse psychology. ("I hope you don't come right now, baby, because I am dying to see if Natalie gets kicked off The Pussycat Dolls: Girlicious tonight.")
9. Keep tapping on your tummy in a slow and steady rhythm, hoping to frustrate and annoy the baby enough that he wants to leave.
10. Threaten to name him Gaylord Mortimer if he doesn't start contractions by the count of 10.

Despite the ever-present threat of unannounced labor, DH and I managed to have a relaxing and productive weekend. On Friday we went out for dinner and watched a movie. Saturday morning was not so pleasant -- our third visit to the DMV and we left yet again without plates for DH's car -- but we were able to recover pretty quickly. (The clerk started copping an attitude after a while and I almost reached under the glass to slap her, but DH displayed nerves of steel and saved me from having to deliver Bean in jail. That was close!) On Saturday night I was suddenly overcome by the urge to pack my hospital bag, immediately. DH labeled it "nesting" and attributed it to the nearing of labor, but I labeled it "boredom" and attributed it to the painfully plodding movie we were in the middle of watching: Becoming Jane. Even this chick couldn't handle that flick. Sunday we finished our baby-prep list and spent some time touring model homes in a community we like. We are trying to desensitize ourselves to the outrageous housing prices so that neither of us has a heart attack during the home-buying process (DH actually choked when the realtor asked us what our budget was).

But this week, things start to get really tough. I'm on maternity leave now, so I feel like every day is wasted without the baby. Plus I don't have much to do or anyone to distract me. The dog just follows me around waiting for something to happen. I feel your pain, pooch! Tomorrow I am seeing the OB again, but I don't expect anything interesting to come from the appointment. She said that we won't talk induction until next Monday if/when he's a week late. I'm torn on that because part of me really wants labor to start naturally (I have an aversion to pitocin), but the other part of me wants to get this kid out before he reaches the 14-lb mark.

DH's coworkers are excited for the baby's arrival, which is very nice. However, I do get a kick out of how many of them are young guys that have absolutely no exposure to pregnancy. While chatting with them last Friday, DH got the following two comments:

Coworker #1: "It'd be nice if you had the baby tonight, then you get to play with him the whole weekend before you have to come back to work on Monday morning!"

Coworker #2: "If this is your last weekend before the baby comes, you guys should fly to Hawaii for a mini vacation, just the two of you."

UPDATED: DH just called me on his way home from work, and he shared another funny coworker comment with me.

Coworker #3: "What are you doing here today?"
DH: "What do you mean?"
Coworker #3: "Well, when's your due date?"
DH: "It's today..."
Coworker #3 (with wide eyes): "Shouldn't you be at the hospital?"

I love it!


xavier2001 said...

You just made me spit diet coke all over the computer with your RE is in St. Louis bit. . .I think you are the funniest person I know.

Do you know what finally got me into labor, PITOCIN! I know, not what you wanted to hear.

As hard as it is, try to enjoy your last few hours/days of doing nothing, b/c you will never have that again!!

And have you tried spicy food ;)

Hollyween said...

Okay. Pitocin worked for me too. But... I don't blame you for waiting. If my gallbladder hadn't given me INTENSE fits during that last little stretch, I probably would have waited it out too.

You're hilarious like Mary said about the RE business. TOO FUNNY!

Oh, and about dumb co-workers... I have one for you:
My husband works for my brother (don't EVER do that) and when I was pregnant with Faith, my brother said that we should tell the doctor that we'd like to have the baby on a Thursday. That was the best time for my brother to have my husband gone from work. It would work out perfectly with that timing because it was going to be a slow day and oh yeah... he wanted John back to work on Monday. NICE!

Kathy V said...

Well like coworker said, you could just go and park yourselves at the hospital until bean shows up. Especially considering your due date has come and gone. I had to laugh out loud as you were sharing your stories. I really laughed at Bean just ramming himself up against your stomach trying to find the door. Maybe he is trying to make a new door. Good luck at with the ob today.

Jen said...

Those comments crack me up. Of course you should fly to Hawaii when your 9 months pregnant and due to go into labor any second now!

lisawitt said...

Keep checking in for that post from Mary! So when is the next doctor's appointment? None of those labor inducing wives tales worked for me...but the pitocin did!! I wanted to go into labor naturally, but hey, it worked out just fine for me! Hang in are SO CLOSE now! ;-)