Monday, December 1, 2008

Brainlessness strikes again

I'm sure I've mentioned a million times how my brain power has been decimated since becoming a mom. There is a cloudy haze around all of my thoughts, and my stream of consciousness can at best be labeled schizophrenic. Today, a dangerous combination of absentmindedness and sleep deprivation nearly produced disastrous results.

Bean was happily playing with his toys on the family room floor while the dog looked on from the couch. I decided to grab the few quiet minutes to load the dishwasher and empty the kitchen garbage can. The main garbage container is in the garage, so I picked up the kitchen bag and popped into the garage to dispose of it. When I reached for the door back into the house, I tried to turn the doorknob, but... nothing happened.

I silently cursed myself. I had locked it last night because DH is on a business trip, and no kidding I thought to myself as I did it, "I am going to lock myself out." See, it's one of those stupid doors that stays locked even though the handle turns easily from the inside when you leave. Why do they make those idiotic things anyway? Keeps emergency locksmiths in business, I suppose.

Anyway, realizing my mistake, my heart stopped beating and my mind started racing. I just locked my 9-month-old son and dog inside the house. What kind of mother does that? I do not really know any of my neighbors to help me. One woman was decorating her house with Christmas lights (per neighborhood code), I would have to throw myself on her mercy. Would the state take away my baby for being an unfit mother? How long would it be before 911 could break into my house? Will Bean be okay? AAAAARRRRGGGGGG!!!

Before bursting into tears, I decided to check the front door and back door to see if either was unlocked. Slim chance -- like putting on my seatbelt when I get in the car, locking the doors is something I do automatically. I ran to the front door and grabbed the knob and..... (drumroll please)... IT OPENED!!! I collapsed in the entryway and took deep breaths. My guardian angel was looking out for me. We had recently gotten home from the grocery store, and I had been holding Bean in one arm and a load of bags in the other when I walked inside, so I closed the door with my foot and proceeded into the kitchen. Forgetting, of course, to come back and lock it. Luckily, two stupid moves canceled each other out.

WHEW! So good or bad news for poor Bean, CFS is not going to take my child away from me. I kinda wish they'd come for the dog, though. I cannot keep that pooch out of the trash these days! Now I just leave the shredded items around the house instead of putting them back, because otherwise she'll just do it again. This saves both of us the trouble of moving them.

Anyway, let's hope the rest of DH's business trip passes without any additional coronaries. Unless for a happy reason, of course. He's in Vegas this week, and I asked him to play a few of those slots with the huge jackpots. I made him promise to call me immediately when he wins millions of dollars. I don't want to be surprised with diamond earrings and other extravagant gifts when he comes home, although I appreciate the thought. Let me know NOW, so I can order hardwood floors for the kitchen. I already know the number for Empire Today, that damn commercial haunts my darkest nightmares.

Backing up, we had a nice Thanksgiving at home. DH made turkey breast fillets with cranberry and orange stuffing as well as other yummy side dishes. On Saturday, his good friend and his wife visited from San Diego as they toured the Pacific Northwest. It took us 4 days to get the house into decent shape before they arrived, and they stayed for a total of 20 hours (including 7 hours of sleeping). It was rather anti-climactic. They left on Sunday morning, as did DH. I'm lonely without my man, of course, but I try to focus on the positive. Warm 106.9 fm has been filling our home with continuous Christmas favorites since his car left the driveway, and I am finally digging into the "Twilight" series that my mother-in-law got me for Christmas (we exchanged gifts during our November trip). I enjoy the story so far and love that it takes place in nearby Forks, Wash., although the writing style makes it hard for me to forget that it is aimed at a young adult audience. But as the last book I read involved a "roguish... distinguished nobleman" bedding a "fiery beauty" who "stuns polite society with her reckless exploits" in eighteenth century London, you know I am not too picky.

Other than listening to soft rock radio and reading late-adolescent fiction, I am trying to keep us busy so I don't entirely loose my marbles in DH's absence. We have three major outings this week: preschool, LLL meeting, and a meet-and-greet for our local chapter of the MOMS Club. As you can read on the web site, it is a support group designed for the "at-home mother of today." This ain't your mom's moms club! (I guess that means no giant perms or jazzercizing?) I've heard good things about it -- namely that one of the activities involves "stroller skating" at a roller rink -- so I'm going to check it out. I hope they like me.

And I know you just come here for the pictures, so here you go.


AJ said...

I really enjoyed the Twilight Saga - very easy read (definitely directed towards tweens) but a fun story concept. I even went to see the movie with my sister...I'm such a dork!

Kristina P. said...

He looks great! And that dinner sounds great.

Stay tuned for my Twilight movie review tomorrow!

Michelle said...

Thank goodness you left the front door open. that had to be a horrible feeling! I hope the time goes by fast why DH is away but it sounds like you have some nice things lined up!

Soxy Deb said...

Yeah it's a good thing you dont post the pics first, you might lose us all after we see them (lmao).

Being a parent does hurt your brain power - I've talked about my absent-mindedness on my blog. Bad news is it N.E.V.E.R gets better. Ever. Never-ever. Got that? Cause I can tell you again if you need me to. Never ever.

Jen said...

Phew! Maybe you could train Evie to open the door for you. I keep trying to teach our dog to sooth Jillian when she cries, but I'm getting the feeling that those attempts aren't going to pan out.

Yay for no strike! I saw that on the news today and thought of you.

Coffeegrl said...

I'm wondering how the MOMS club thing went. Being from Seattle, although temporarily displaced, I'm always on the lookout for good "mom" resources. PEPS is probably the only thing that kept me sane in the early month after our daughter was born - thank goodness for PEPS!

CJ said...

Coffeegrl - I tried to join PEPS, but unfortunately we are just out of range... they tried to put us with a group, but there was nothing convenient. :P The MOMS group was pretty good, I'm going to a couple more events before I decide whether to join. It was the monthly "business" meeting that I went to, so I want to check out an activity (stroller skating is later this month). My lifesaver has been the co-op preschool. I look forward to it every week!

lisawitt said...

Awww, love bean in his little Christmas sweater! So precious! Did he get a hair cut? On pic his hair is lookin different!

Kathy V said...

The pictures are great. Sorry about the locked door escapade but good thing for you you left the other one open. The dinner sounds good too.