Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Could have been worse

Yeah... that's really the best I can say about my OB appointment today. Cervix was slightly shorter than at discharge. The doctor was on the fence about sending me to the hospital. She said we are already doing all we can with the current situation, so she didn't really see the benefit in admitting me. (I have been following my bedrest rules at home, just ask my Mom! And drinking so much water that my pee has been crystal clear for days.) Anyway, the OB consulted with the MFM high-risk specialist, because as she put it, they are typically less likely to hospitalize women than her partners. The MFM doc recommended that she check my cervix externally in addition to the ultrasound that was done earlier, and he said if it was feeling okay then I should be allowed to go home. The OB did the external check, and she sounded just as relieved as I felt when she announced that it passed the test.

That. Was. Close.

So again barring any unfortunate developments, I am at home in bed until my appointment on Wednesday of next week.

As she was doing the exam, the OB remarked, "If it makes you feel better, your babies now have a better than 50% chance of survival outside the womb. And at 28 weeks, that rate jumps to 95%." She also said (in a very kind way) that I should be prepared to do some bedrest at the hospital in the future, and that I would not likely be making it to my C-section.

I'm glad that it's sounding like I have a good attitude about all this (based on your comments to my last post) because really I feel like I have a crap attitude. I am incredibly bitter and disappointed that this pregnancy is ruined, and I am absolutely terrified that I could lose one or both munchkins. I'm hanging in there, but it's hard -- really hard. The most I can do is take it day by day without breaking down, and so I will wait as I tick slowly towards our next goal, 28 weeks. Twelve days to go.

Now! To answer two questions asked in the comments of my last post.

IF Optimist, then... wanted to know why we aren't doing a cervical cerlage. The conclusion that I came to myself after researching online -- which was then confirmed by my OB -- is that I am too far along for a cerclage. Usually those are done at the end of the first trimester in women who are known to have an incompetent cervix. (Which most often involves a prior loss, sadly enough.) Anyway, my cervix is a bit more coy and didn't reveal her incompetence until much later. Once a woman reaches 24 weeks, putting in a cerclage has not shown to be very effective in lengthening the pregnancy. That needs to be weighed against the risks of the procedure, and in the case of twins, I've read that doing a cerclage can actually bring on labor. As we have already passed the point of viability by 2+ weeks, we are just going to do our best to hang in there with bedrest and medication.

Red inquired about whether all three boys will be diapered in cloth. Not at first. In fact, Bean is in disposables right now because of my strict bedrest. (It's all about convenience for the caregivers these days!) I imagine that when the twins come, the craziness will only increase, so in order to simplify as much as possible, we'll stick with the Pampers Swaddlers for them and Cruisers for Bean. Once If we get the hang of parenting three under three, I do hope to switch back to cloth. Bean will be potty trained at some point (the kid has NO interest yet), and of course I'm keeping his stash ready for future use. Time will tell -- and in the meantime, we'll just keep making our weekly contribution to the landfill.



Lisa said...

I'm glad to see you still at home and that you have been doing everything you can! Praying for the weeks to continue with you on the Sofa!

Kristina P. said...

I don't blame you one bit for being pissed off and scared.

I would be worried if you didn't feel that way!

Red said...

Thanks for answeing my question! Totally understandable. You can't really add that much workload to your Mum when she is already doing so much for you.

That's great that you are still able to stay at home. Be good to the little guys, and to yourself.

Mrs. Spit said...

It's ok to be bitter and angry - a pretty natural response to a crises. I'm glad they are being honest with you, as hard as that is to hear.

I'll keep praying for at least another 2 week, and really the gold standard, another 6 weeks for 32 weeks.

Nicky said...

Glad you were cleared to go home! I hope things even out a bit for you. I'd be bitter, too. Though shopping on Amazon all afternoon would probably take the edge off. No, wait... then I'd just be bitter and poor.

Would watching hours of cheesy 80s movies help instead? I watched Indiana Jones ten million times during my pregnancy. Harrison Ford makes everything better.

IF Optimist, then... said...

Thanks for answer to my question, I suspected as much with the cerclage, but wanted to find out more from someone who I was sure had been talking to docs about it. I think all us twinnie moms wonder about it.

You can make 12 days sweetie, no problem. Just hang in there and keep your spirits up as best you can. You've done a fine job and your pregnancy isn't "ruined" it is just...special.

Hollyween said...

Oh geez. It just sucks. I have nothing to say that's going to make you feel better. I have been keeping you in my prayers and I'm crossing every finger and toe that those babies make it to a decent stage and can bake as long as humanly possible.

Oh, I have a good idea! Maybe read some horror story book about raising twins. That'll force your body to keep those tykes in longer.

Hey, it's worth a try.

Katie said...

Whew, what a relief for you to still be at home and your doctor sounds WONDERFUL!!!!

I honestly can't imagine how scary and overwhelming all of this must be for you. I am so sorry that you are facing this and hope it helps just a little to know that SO many people are caring for you and praying for you and your entire family!

Michele said...

You can do it! You are doing great! My twins were born 28 hours prior to 28 weeks- and are healthy and wonderful. They spent 9 weeks in the NICU, but at their developmental assessment at 3m old, assessed at 3 month old and NOT adjusted age. In fact, they are 18 weeks old tomorrow (turned 4 calendar months old last Sunday) and are already eating solids. So, it can happen!!! I hope you get much, much father, but 28 weeks is a good place, too, if you have no choice.

About diapering... I love cloth. But, sadly, mister Bobby has VERY sensitive skin and the only thing he can wear comfortably and without a rash are the organic biodegradable disposables. Oh well... I am so looking forward to you using cloths for your little guys!

lisawitt said...

Oh Christine, like every one else has said, you have every right to feel all the emotions you are feeling! You are in a scary and stressful situation right now but doing all you can to make the best of it! :)

And the pregnancy is not ruined, just taking a little different path than planned but at least both boys are chilling in the womb still for now! :) Very good friends of mine just had a singleton at 27 weeks back in October and very happy to say she is doing great! Just gotta take it one step at a time!

hang there and know you have lots of people praying for you and your sweet boys!!

Kristin said...

I'm sorry it wasn't better news at your appointment. I'm glad you are at least at home. That is great that the odds are so good at 28 weeks and you are getting so close. I'm going to keep praying!!! I'm thinking about you guys all the time. Say hi to your Mom for me!

Hang in there!!!

BB said...

Looks like we are in the same boat and at around the same week! I am on bedrest due to shortened cervix and contractions... will be 27 weeks tomorrow! Taking it day by day and counting days towards each (weekly) u/s! Good luck with this journey

Mary said...

Hang in there friend, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for and you CAN do this. Your pregnancy is not 'ruined', its just different from what you envisioned it would be. Grow babies Grow!!!!

Michelle said...

I think you are doing a great job! It has to be very scary and hard! I do not blame you for feeling the way you do but you sound like you are doing well.

You keep up your great work and I will keep praying! ((HUGS))

Sarah said...

I will pray for you every day - especially for the next 12 days! I bet once that passes you'll be breathing a little bit more easily. Of course I want the twigs to have lots more time in there than 12 days though! While you are doing online shopping, may I suggest another purchase to consider? Sarah

Katie said...

Back again!

First off, I found a site that could be helpful to you in setting things up as far as help you might need. I know many bloggers have offered to help, and this might be a way for you to facilitate that!


Secondly, I can sign up to bring you some of the very soup that I posted about today! :)

Jen said...

So yeah, I'm sure the whole 50% chance thing was NOT reassuring. 28 weeks isn't too far away. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you make it there and far beyond.

Glad to hear you're at home. I hope your cervix shapes up so that you can be there a while longer.

Kate said...

I swear you must have earned a MD along the way somewhere in this journey! Glad your appointment went well!

Allison said...

I'm happy to hear you are at home and not in the hospital. I'm really glad your mom is there as well! I'm sorry that you feel like this pregnancy is ruined...it's always hard when you have a picture in your head of how something is going to go, and then it goes completely different. It sucks. I wish I had some great words for you, but all I have are imaginary hugs.

Kate said...

The research I did also said that cerclage only helps if you do it if the cervix is shorter than 1.5cm before or at 24 weeks. If not the risks outweigh the benefits, and you could end rupturing the membranes or getting an infection.
I think you'll be able to hang in a good while longer. My cycle buddy was 1cm dilated when she had her cerclage at 22-24 weeks with twins. Then she was in hospital on bedrest for a while, with a cervix that was still dynamic with the cerclage - down to 1-something, back up to 2-something. She'll be 33 weeks on Friday. So there's hope!

Coffeegrl said...

Yay - only 12 more days! That's awesomely good news in the grand scheme of things I suppose. But I would be sad, and scared and frustrated and bitter too. I'm so sorry that things have gone this way. BTW- You are the cheeriest sounding bitter woman I have ever heard!

Soxy Deb said...

Honey I am so sorry your having such struggles. I wish I were closer. I would help you in any way I can. Don't make me fly out there.

Do try to take it easy. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Pufferfish said...

I'm sure this is all really scary, no doubt. The good news is that you are being carefully monitored, you have your mom there to help and you are back home.
While I'm not on strict bedrest like you, I know it was hard to get used to not doing things--or ANYTHING.
That has to be incredibly hard with a toddler in tow.
Take it easy and do what you can do one day at a time.
It will all be worth it in the end to bake your boys as long as possible.
Thinking of you!

Katie said...

Okay, my THIRD comment . . . I should just e-mail you! :)

If/when you set up the lots of hands website, please include me if you would be comfortable.


Banshee said...

I'm glad you're still able to rest at home!

Thanks for the comment and the referral to Nicky's blog! I can already tell she and I have a lot in common. :)

May I recommend Sudoku for the boredom that's sure to ensue at some point here?

jingle said...

that was close,
but as always, you are blessed enough to make it through...

Glad to see you smile at home.
Have A Day As Beautiful As Your Writing!

Martha said...

Sending my best wishes and ((HUGS))!

Shelley said...

I hope you're still holding up. Only 8 more days and I'm sure you're counting! Hang in there. I know this is a scary time...