Thursday, February 4, 2010

Conversations

Yesterday I had my weekly OB appointment. My favorite sonographer was working, so I was pleased (if nervous) when walking with her into the ultrasound room. First we took a look at the boys and their fluid levels, which are spectacular as always. For my benefit, she tried to get a good look at their faces but was having trouble.

"I can't get a shot of this baby's face because his brother's butt is pressed right up against it," she explained. And then she added, "It won't be the last time that happens. One of my sons told the other at dinner recently, 'If you don't stop farting on me, I'm going to slug you.' And I looked at the guilty party and said, 'Well, you've been warned!'"

While I'm not looking forward to the sulfuric stank of renegade flatulence wafting over the gourmet family meal I cooked from scratch the pizza I had delivered, I had to smile at the happy thought of DH and I sitting at the dinner table one day in the future, trying not to giggle at such an interaction between our boys. I'm a simple person, I guess.

Then it was time for the cervical check. Come on, 2.4 cm, I silently prayed. I've been so good, surely we've been holding steady! But blech, it was shorter, averaging about 2.0 cm or just below. The sonographer tried to cheer me up, "That's still a lot of nice closed cervix." But I was instantly swept by a wave of defeat. They transferred me to the exam room to wait for the doctor, and I slumped over on the table. I knew they wouldn't hospitalize me, but I was feeling DONE with this pregnancy. DONE with the bedrest, DONE with the stupid diet, DONE trying to fight my body over something it is reluctant to give. I felt like such a failure in giving my boys what they need -- a safe, closed womb. Maybe it would be better if they just came out now and let people more capable than me take care of them. Of course intellectually I know this is completely wrong, every day inside is incredibly beneficial for them. But emotionally, it was a weak point for me.

Fortunately I felt much better after talking to the OB. She is a very smart woman (graduated cum laude from Harvard) but has an informal, comfortable demeanor (how many doctors use the term "shit a brick" during an appointment?). She said it'd be nice if the cervix was longer, but it's not overly concerning, based on where I've been in the past.

She took a look at my blood sugar chart and said it looked wonderful. "How's it going with the diet?" she asked.

"Well, it seems to be easy to keep my levels down with the right food, so that's good. But I am feeling incredibly sorry for myself that I can't have any chocolate at my baby shower, or on my 30th birthday, or on Valentine's Day," I pouted.

She responded with a smile: "I thought you were going to say it was the worst thing ever in your entire life. You know, there are some people out there who question why we even test for gestational diabetes in twin pregnancies, because we want the babies to grow bigger." (For the record, I think that's stupid, and there are other risks to untreated GD than just gigantic babies.) "If you really want to have a tiny bite of cake at your shower, it's not the end of the world."

Well what do you know... I was thinking the same thing myself. Especially since I am kicking GD's arse ever other minute of the day. I'm still going to have DH wait on getting me a giant birthday cookie cake until I can eat at least two-thirds of it, but the appointment was looking up.

"Speaking of my shower, I'm wondering if it'd be okay if I walk downstairs on Saturday and then sit upright for the couple of hours that my friends will be over," I asked.

Her response: "You haven't been using the stairs at all? Even to go down to the couch?"

My response: "Ummm, no, just for these appointments." (I can't recall who gave me the impression I shouldn't be bouncing up and down the stairs unless absolutely necessary, but it was someone with an M.D. after her name...)

So yeah, she said that would be fine. I'm glad, because you can't imagine how awkward it is trying to talk to a group of upright people while laying flat on a couch until you've tried it. And let's not get started on the perpetual triple-chin I'm rocking because of how I have to hold my head. Sexy.

We discussed scheduling my C-section (waiting for a call from the hospital, praying it's not on April Fool's Day) and going off the ibuprofen (it is used to stop preterm labor; I'm worried about the effects on the babies but she'd like me to continue until 32 weeks). I also asked about why I won't be having any more cervical checks via ultrasound after 32 weeks and the long-term plan for bedrest. I'm kinda fuzzy about what she said, so I won't even try to explain. My regular OB is returning from maternity leave in a week or so, and I'll be asking her the same questions again anyway. Suffice it to say that I was pretty pleased with what I did understand, and bedrest is feeling a bit less oppressive and more temporary.

I should end right now because this post is way to long and boring already, but I also wanted to squeeze in my follow-up appointment with the dietitian at the diabeetus center. She was young and cute and friendly and six months pregnant herself... but sadly, it was obvious that she was on crack. Because after reviewing my blood sugar levels and telling me how well I was doing, she said I SHOULD CONTINUE THIS DIET AFTER GIVING BIRTH TO REDUCE MY RISK OF DEVELOPING TYPE II DIABETES LATER IN LIFE.

Okay, I appreciate her concern about my health, it's really touching. It's true that I need to be careful not to let myself go wild and balloon up. But if she thinks that I am never going to have another brownie, another cookie, another dish of ice cream, another (real) muffin, another heaping bowl of pasta, another piece of cake FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE... then she needs to be drug tested for the safety of her poor fetus. Because come on, seriously? Would a sober person suggest that?

But that does bring me to the worst part of having GD. I am fairly sure it is going to ruin one of life's great pleasures forever. Because now I know how to eat better, and maybe some small part of it will stick, but overall I am attached to my previous eating habits and can't wait to return. But I'll always know. I'll always know that my choice of grains isn't good for me, that my portions are too big, that my body is silently working overtime to compensate for that candy bar and wishing I'd have opted for a bowl of plain rolled-oat oatmeal instead of my yummy breakfast shake. And that is something I could surely have done without.

Well played, gestational diabetes. Well played.

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25 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Yeah, she does sound like she's on crack. Althugh, my mom did have gestational diabetes with one of my brothers, and she now has Type II diabetes. She also didn't take care of herself at all.

Expectant Duck said...

sounds like a very good appointment lady! Glad that you are kciking some GD butt. nicely done.

jingle said...

Lithesome News,
I am thrilled about your forthright moment and pray for U, U R Cool,
Outstanding Post, ;)

Mrs. Spit said...

After you have these babes, send me an email and I will walk you through a diabetic diet. It's NOWHERE near as restrictive as you are thinking.

There are some challenges, yes. But, the long term risks to your body of diabetes, those are ever so much more challenging.

Chad and Gena said...

First of all your post are never boring :-)

I wanted to share that my due date was 4/13/09 w/ my twins. I had a routine dr. appointment on 4/1 where I was informed that I was 5 cm dilated and 100% effaced and that I needed to go directly to the hospital. You know I was holding those babies in until after midnight :-) actually I think I did too good of a job because they were not born until 6 pm the next day but well worth the 27+ hours of labor to not have the babies on April Fools Day :-)

You are doing a great job!!!! As always I enjoyed reading your update :-)
Gena

E said...

Aww, no...dang cervix. I think your far enough along now to not worry *soo* much. But, yes, there is always worry in that department. I remember being 18 weeks and just praying that my cervix would not spontaneously open up. I have been lucky in that department. I guess at 32 weeks they aren't worried as much about premature labor?

I am hoping I don't have to go back. That probe is starting to hurt like hell because of how hard they have to push down.

GD sucks. I love my sweets too, especially chocolate milk.

By the way, I would not even consider torturing myself with only ONE bite of cake, lol

Have fun at your baby shower!!

IF Optimist, then... said...

Hope you have a great baby show and am keeping you in my thoughts. Dang these pesky cervix problems! I know it will all be worth it in the end and that's what keeps my spirits up. Send me an email if you are on a chat program, we can always keep in touch that way. :-)

Michelle said...

Well played indeed! This makes me sad because I am almost positive this is something I will have to deal with when/if I ever caryy a full term pregnancy. I mean I am pre-diabetic now. UGH! But I definitely would be happy to deal with it.

I am glad things are going well despite the stubborn cervix and I am so happy you can participate in your baby shower in an uprught position. I wish I could be there.

Many hugs to you!

Jen said...

I'm glad that the appointment ended on a better note than it began. And the shower will be much more fun when you can eat cake and sit up!

GD is a mean bitch.

K said...

Sorry the cervix check wasn't as you hoped it would be but I'm glad that the doctor is not concerned, but still I can only imagine how exhausting that must have felt.

Congratulations on being able to scoot down and attend your baby shower with cake to boot!

Celia said...

I know, GD is a freakin drag because you feel like The Diabetes Reaper is just chasing you. Prior to getting diagnosed with GD, I had hypoglycemia so had to eat a pretty lame diet already. But it DID include items like cake and cookies and icecream and chips and waffle fries, sorry I can't stop myself. Fooooood. I am doing good on my damn diet too. Anyhow, if I ate something like pancakes I would feel like crap so I always had to have less than I might personally want. But I still had some. And I am going to have some again dammit. And I am going to enjoy myself.

I feel somewhat similar to you in that I wish I could have the baby and get him safe on the outside and away from my treacherous body. Hang tough girl.

Red said...

I am sure that some of your new habbits will stick around. I could never, ever live without the cake and cookies part, but I do shun white bread in favour of the grainy stuff. I just feel luxurious eating it since it is more expensive than the white stuff. Champ has never had non-grainy stuff so hopefully that habbit will stick around for us. But we do eat too many cookies!

Katie said...

Everything in moderation, Dahling! :)

I say bring some of your knowledge with you, but also make sure to treat yourself. I am sure that's probably how you ate before. I know that there are better choices that I could make in some areas of my eating, but I try to be smart in other areas to make up for it.

I am sorry that you felt down after the cervical check (totally understandable, btw), but glad the OB managed to put some things in better perspective AND gave you the all clear for cake and sitting up during the shower! Good for you!!!!

Banshee said...

Well it sounds like a lot of good news to me! The cervix might be a little shorter, but if they doc isn't concerned, that seems like good news! AND, the doc says you can attend your shower, sitting upright, and tempting yourself with a bite of cake! All good news. :)

Congrats on doing so well! That's great that you're managing the diabeetus so well too!

lisawitt said...

woohoo for being upright for your shower!! :) sorry about the cervix but it sounds like doc definitely isnt as concerned as before. my bff has her daughter on april 1st 2008 and shes a cool chick so its not too bad!

loved the conversation part....i too look forward to listening to my boys talking to each other about farts and burps etc. Z already laughs whenever mark toots or burps or spits up...good times! ;-)

Elissa said...

sadly have to agree that dietitian is on crack. Did you nod and politely smile so as not to make the crazy lad angry when she said it or did you go with the loud snort laugh and the "surely you must be kidding?"

jingle said...

Wow,
Please relax yourself,
U don't have to comment if you feel short of words...
I understand U.

Take Good Care.

Martha said...

Glad the babies are doing well and sorry about the GD which really stands in a for a cu$$ word too.

MissMVK said...

Those boys owe you BIG TIME after they make their safe arrival into the world. I mean, logging all that time in the blueberry, unable to drown your sorrows in a giant cookie cake and missing out on an evening of debauchery on your 30th birthday (btw you are a baby). You are an amazingly strong mama! Not too many weeks now...scary and relieving to think about.

Btw, my belly is SO bigger than yours!

Coffeegrl said...

Oh they must be crazy! Thinking you'd go on some voluntary gestational diabetes type diet?! I'm all for "everything in moderation" and trying new dietary habits (I've learned to love whole grains etc.) but I'm not giving up cookies anytime soon. And frankly, asking me to do so right now, while I'm in the midst of pregnancy hormones - that would be insane! I can't imagine how they had the nerve!! *sigh*

Maybe you could share with us some of your favorite new GD diet recipes? I mean, not the nitty gritty details of said recipes, but I'd love to know what sort of changes to your eating habits (substitutions etc.) you've found to be managable (dare we say enjoyable?!).

Gerardine Baugh said...

Doctors have to tell you to eat right all the time, then they head out for lunch and eat what they want to.

I have to tell you, I smiled when at the begining of your post you said you had your "favorite sonographer" Only someone who is pregnant has a favorite.

Be healty, and happy have a great weekend.

Gerardine

Michele said...

I am at an increased risk of Type II b/c of the PCOS and GD, but my GP feels I live an ok lifestyle, so I just check every 6 months. So far, so good!

jingle said...

i have a sunshine award waiting 4 u,
visit me to claim it, ;)

Best!

William Manson © 2010 said...

many congratulations on your "sunshine award, much deserved and congratulations to the nominees, a great sunshine day :)

Mary said...

Sorry its taken me so long to get back to you, way behind on my blogs this week. YAY for a good appointment, you are doing SO well and all of your hard work IS going to pay off. Just keep visualizing and taking one day at a time. And double YAY for kicking GD's ass, you rock! And yes, I saw Holly's blog, SOOOO excited for her (and secretly hoping to be next ;) ).