Moving the carrot

I really wish I had more interesting things to blog about than my frequent doctor's visits, but not only is the other excitement in my life limited to watching idiot TV and googling "nicu stay by gestation" for the 1000th time, but it's been impossible for me to focus on much more than what's happening with my rapidly expanding belly and rapidly shrinking cervix.

I like to think of it as Whale Watch 2010.

With that apology out of the way, let's get on with it.

My weekly OB appointment was today... (drumroll please)... my cervix is unchanged since last week.

Hooray?

I was hoping it'd be a tad longer for all of our good efforts, but at least I'm grateful that they didn't want to keep me in the hospital. And for what it's worth, My Favorite Sonographer did say it looked stronger to her, even if the length was the same. (She also said that they all agree I'm the best-behaved patient of the practice, but I don't want Jen to feel bad so I won't mention that.)

I also got to see my regular OB again, finally. I have been dying to discuss the larger picture with her, as if somehow knowing The Plan would ease the continuous days, hours, minutes, seconds of worry.

I can't remember everything I asked, but here is generally what we are looking at now:

*She said she will be pleased when I reach 32 weeks, very happy at 34 weeks, and ecstatic at 36 weeks. No odds of making it to any certain point, we just keep taking it week by week.

*The last time they will check my cervix by ultrasound is at my appointment next week (32 weeks 5 days). After that point, the measurement is unreliable. However, if it is shorter next week, she will recommend hospitalization. She doesn't want it to get so thin that we end up delivering two preemies at home. Ummmm, cha.

*After 32 weeks, she'll check my cervix manually for dilation. And we'll continue to be vigilant for signs of preterm labor, and head to the birth center (if I'm still home) if/when needed.

*At 34 weeks, she would no longer use the heavy-hitting drugs to try to stop labor. If my body is done, it's done, and we'll welcome the boys into the world without a fight.

So I'm feeling a bit like the carrot moved from 32 weeks to 34 weeks. It's only 2 1/2 weeks away, yet it's a lifetime away. I wonder how I will make it through the constant uncertainty of bedrest, but then I know that the uncertainty of the NICU is far more heartwrenching.

And... yeah, that's pretty much it, I guess. My belly is measuring 38 weeks compared to a singleton pregnancy. The boys continue to look stellar in every way. Oh, and I seem to have developed vertigo, probably as a result of laying flat on my back for the last 6 1/2 weeks.

To cheer myself up, I've been looking at the old pictures of Bean that DH uploaded from our cell phones. (We just "upgraded" from phones with no features or apps to other phones with no features or apps, so we saved the pictures on our computer to not lose them.) I didn't fully appreciate the gift of delivering a healthy full-term baby who could room in with me. Although I really don't remember him sleeping that much. Or at all, actually.