Suze called me "girlfriend"

DH and I watch The Suze Orman Show every Saturday at 6 pm. Actually, we record it, because we are catching a quick nap before we head to the bar at 11. Okay, FINE. We record it while we eat dinner and put Bean to bed, and we watch it after he's asleep because we are apparently "adults" now and have to be "responsible" with our money so Bean can do things like "go to college" and "eat." Thus our regular weekly date with CNBC.

This morning, I found myself having a lovely phone conversation with Suze herself. Here's a timeline of all the critical events that led up to the momentous occasion...


LATE NOVEMBER

Get letter in the mail that sparks a question for my favorite financial guru, Suze Orman. While it is not even in the top 10 of my money concerns, I decide to post it on her web site, as I was all caught up on Google Reader and had nothing else to do while eating lunch.

MID DECEMBER

The phone rings, and I answer it despite my suspicions that the unknown caller wants to sell me identity theft protection or supplemental life insurance. Wait... what's this? It's a producer from Suze's show! They like my question and wonder if I'd like to be a caller on the show. (As if they had to ask.) The producer says I will get a call from them on January 6th between 8:30 and 9:15 am Eastern Time -- which is 5:30 and 6:15 am to me. Apparently Suze doesn't take callers in the afternoon, bummer.

LAST NIGHT

7 pm -- Bean goes to bed. My nerves strike. I start freaking out, frantically waving my arms in the air and generally driving DH nuts. Rewrite my original question and begin to practice reading it.

8 pm -- Watch the latest episode of The Suze Orman Show as "homework" to prepare. Continue practicing my question.

9 pm -- Attempting to relax, I turn on the episode of Million Dollar Password that I recorded because Craig Ferguson was on it. Although Craig was funny and even Regis had some good lines, it wasn't enough to make up for the fact that the show gets unbearably boring after 15 minutes. Continue practicing.

9:20 pm -- Watch Property Virgins and Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Continue practicing.

10:15 pm -- I reveal my biggest fear to DH: that Suze won't like me. I'd be so ashamed! I could never watch her show again! He reveals his: that she will suggest I leave my husband.

10:30 pm -- After one final explosion of freak-outedness, I drift into dreamland to the sounds of Seinfeld. (And what a great episode, The Stall. Can you spare a square?)

11:30 pm -- Bean's first wake-up of the night. Mommy's coming, sweet boy.


TODAY

2 am -- Bean's second wake-up. Hmmmm... looks like I'm not going to be getting much sleep tonight.

4:56 am -- I wake up four minutes ahead of my alarm. I turn off my back-up alarm and change DH's alarm setting back to music from the insane horror-movie beep so he won't have a heart attack when it goes off.

5 am -- Head downstairs, sip coffee (decaf, but still), and practice my question some more.

5:29 am -- Bean's third wake-up. DH goes to comfort him, but he screams angrily and looks around for his mommy. Suze could call at any minute, but I run upstairs and nurse Bean back to sleep. Success.

5:35 am to 6:04 am -- Check email while glancing nervously at the phone. Mom has sent an encouraging note. "You have never babbled unintelligently and you won't start now." Although that specific fear had not previously crossed my mind, I now start to worry that I will babble unintelligently. Netflix informs me that they received my movies, and "Eagle Eye" and "An American Carol" are now on the way. Sweet. Continue practicing my question.

6:05 am -- Suze's producer calls and let's me know they are running a little late. They will call back in 15 minutes. I focus on practicing my question and not barfing.

6:15 am -- Phone rings; I am put on hold. Forced to listen to current CNBC show while I wait, which is some high-strung financial guy babbling about a merger or something. This makes me more nervous. Make mental note to suggest to Suze that they use classical music instead. Or better yet, oldies. Continue practicing.

6:20 am -- Suze comes on the line and greets me. I am pretty sure she called me "girlfriend," although the whole experience was kinda blurry and it may just have been my imagination hoping she'd call me that.

6:20 am and thirty seconds -- I stumble on my words when asking the question. DOH! Should have practiced more.

6:21 am -- Suze responds to my question. Interesting answer! She doesn't seem to hate me, and she doesn't suggest I get a divorce.

6:22 am -- Suze signs off, and someone else thanks me for calling The Suze Orman Show. Any time, girlfriend!


I am not 100% sure if/when I will be on her show, but I believe that you can hear me fumble ask my question on January 10th. Her new episodes are always on Saturday evenings, don't be fooled by the twenty five reruns between now and then. Here in Seattle, she's on at 6 pm on CNBC (channel 46 on Comcast). According to my TV menu, the show is called "I Want My Wife Back!" With any luck, you'll get to hear Suze exclaim, "And now Christine from Washington state!" (Washington state not to be confused with Washington, D.C., of course, which is not a state, but something else altogether. It doesn't have as much natural beauty as the state, but it's got really cool monuments and the president lives there.)

So that is my little piece of excitement this week. If you tune in, please be kind when you hear my call. Remember, it was early, and the coffee was decaf.

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